I should probably explain the desire to create a new blog title - KC 2.0. In many ways, getting a divorce has made me feel like I am starting my life over. It feels like I moved to a new city away from my family and I know no one. It has truly made me feel isolated in a way that I have never felt before. Even on the most painful and lonely days, I know that this is a second chance to make the life I truly want.
Previously, I was completely unaware of the societal pressures affecting my life decisions or the fact achieving certain life milestones in a certain order does not automatically bring you happiness. My order was: college, PT degree, build successful career, get married, buy a house and have kids. It took me 2 years to find a house that I wanted to buy - I thought it would bring so much joy. I thought it would change everything. Now, I often sit reading, thinking, and eating meals alone wondering how I can truly bring happiness into my life while I sit in my big, empty house.
It took me a long time to know for sure I wanted my own children. The inadequacy and heart break I feel almost on a daily basis of not being a mother has truly helped me identify that I do have a longing to be a mother. The fear of being a 36 year old single woman and potentially never having a family is overwhelming.
While I am still young, I am technically not a young adult (less than 30 years old) nor do I have my own family. As I struggle to find my place, I am reminded everyday that I don't really fit either of those groups.
As I struggled through one of the hardest times in my life, I identified that my marriage was not working for me. While one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I felt like I was making progress with my self-esteem and self-worth. My whole life I have battled feelings of not being good enough. I ended a marriage that did not fill me with love - something that is so important. Instead of believing I wasn't good enough to be loved, I came to the realization that my marriage was not right for me. While extremely stressful and painful, it was a life changing moment for me to quit blaming myself (or anyone) and just accept and continue to forge ahead.
While I felt powerful with my improvement in my self-worth, I was completely blind sided by the fact that my life needed to have a reboot. I recently turned 36 and had an acquaintance share with me that in Judaism, 36 means two lives or giving a gift of "life." KC is ready for part 2 of this life and I can't wait to create one full of joy and happiness.
Previously, I was completely unaware of the societal pressures affecting my life decisions or the fact achieving certain life milestones in a certain order does not automatically bring you happiness. My order was: college, PT degree, build successful career, get married, buy a house and have kids. It took me 2 years to find a house that I wanted to buy - I thought it would bring so much joy. I thought it would change everything. Now, I often sit reading, thinking, and eating meals alone wondering how I can truly bring happiness into my life while I sit in my big, empty house.
It took me a long time to know for sure I wanted my own children. The inadequacy and heart break I feel almost on a daily basis of not being a mother has truly helped me identify that I do have a longing to be a mother. The fear of being a 36 year old single woman and potentially never having a family is overwhelming.
While I am still young, I am technically not a young adult (less than 30 years old) nor do I have my own family. As I struggle to find my place, I am reminded everyday that I don't really fit either of those groups.
As I struggled through one of the hardest times in my life, I identified that my marriage was not working for me. While one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I felt like I was making progress with my self-esteem and self-worth. My whole life I have battled feelings of not being good enough. I ended a marriage that did not fill me with love - something that is so important. Instead of believing I wasn't good enough to be loved, I came to the realization that my marriage was not right for me. While extremely stressful and painful, it was a life changing moment for me to quit blaming myself (or anyone) and just accept and continue to forge ahead.
While I felt powerful with my improvement in my self-worth, I was completely blind sided by the fact that my life needed to have a reboot. I recently turned 36 and had an acquaintance share with me that in Judaism, 36 means two lives or giving a gift of "life." KC is ready for part 2 of this life and I can't wait to create one full of joy and happiness.
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